For everything there is a season

"For everything there is a season...a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance..." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

How fitting that in my daily grief book for Feburary 14 was a passage from the Bible that was in one of Scott's favorite movies. My life has been shattered by loss and I have been taking each moment as they arrive and coping. We have all at one point dropped a prized possession on the floor and it shatters into a million pieces. How often to we despair and try to piece it all back together but to no avail. There is nothing that can be done. That treasure is gone but the memory it gave rememberance too is in my heart.

Today I feel right back where I was all those months ago - numb. The things that happen that send you spiralling can be predicted but most often not. I have only made it once again today by the love of my friends.

"Grief dares us to love once more." - Terry Tempest Williams

I will make this hurdle because of the people in my life who love me for me! That love has been able to help me find the love in my heart to continue on my journey. I will be healed by the power of love. There are so many who are holding me close and will help me find my smile once again. There will be a laugh, a hug, a joke, a gentle touch that will pull me out of this numbness. Last night we placed Simba in her kitty carrier, gently wrapped in towels. She looked so at peace. She was there in my living room all night and it was the place for her to be.

This morning Rhonda came and took Hannah, Simba and I to the vet where I arranged for her to be cremated. I wouldn't have been able to make that trip without Rhonda and Hannah's love. I told her I was perfectly content leaving her where she was. We then laughed because she said "I couldn't let you do that because at some point she would start smelling!" We stood in the vet's office, told her goodbye and cried. We all hugged and I know the love was there. Just as all of you continue to support me and love me forward in my life. So I know that at some point in my life more love will continue to find me. I will know when I am ready! I will listen with my heart and trust myself. I will settle for nothing less.