Purple Laughing

"Oh I'm newly calibrated All shiny and clean I'm your recent adaptation Time to redefine me Let the word out I've got to get out Oh I'm feeling better now Break the news out I've got to get out Oh I'm feeling better now Oh I'm happy as Christmas
All wrapped to be seen I'm your recent acquisition Time to celebrate me" Collective Soul (Better Now)

These are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by Collective Soul. I don't always feel better now but today I felt alive and ME! I have these two new friends in my life that are here for reason's I don't understand but I'm so very thankful for them. Neither one of them knew Scott but they know me! They have watched me live forward from the worst moment in my life. They have both allowed me to cry all over them and hold me up without a need for anything from me! I have so many friends like that but to know that I'm capable of living forward into new relationships is very powerful for me.

Yesterday Rhonda held me up without even knowing it. Today we started the day in a mood that only can be described as "whatever!" I sent an email to my other friend giving him crap about a commercial on TV that I now have memorized because of the woman across the hall plays her TV at top volume. The three of us have this inside joke that started the other day. Well needless to say I ended up laughing harder then I've laughed in ten months. I felt so alive and free. Free of all the stress of grief! Free to know that I am capable of living forward. That all my friends are in my life for a reason! And today most of the day my two new friends got to see a bit of my inner wild child. My mind does work in mysterious ways and I know these two people have joined my very special circle of friends.

I still have the power to love and be loved! I hope these two people understand what laughing until I turned purple means to me. I don't have enough words to express what this laughter gave to me today. I want to have more of those moments. I want to really be "feeling better now" all the time. I can't push myself too hard though because I don't need setbacks. I am living forward into this redefinition of me and well "It's okay! I love you!" is how I am beginning to feel about myself too! Now if I could really just get all the rest of the innuendos out of my head they would truly know I may look all sweet and innocent but well outside appearances can be deceiving sometimes. Read that book! It may just be a best seller!