So what does being responsible get me. A beautiful daughter and a lonely life. So what do I do when I wanna be a bit bad? I can't throw things and slam doors. I can't go get drunk since I don't drink. I'm not a bar scene girl and well whatever that gets you isn't anything I want. So I do what I do best - be Mom and work. I love both of them. I think you get the idea though.
I guess I feel a bit pathetic again. Yup these darn bipolar emotions are nuts. Ugg! Is there a time in life that will be comfortable again in my own skin consistently? I'm trying. Today, one of the ladies at work told me she sees a twinkle of life back into my eyes. She said that the process of seeing colors again after the loss of someone in your life takes time. Yes I see colors. I don't see all the colors all the time but there are moments when the rainbow is complete.
Someone needs to give me a smile again. I need a fix. I need a rainbow moment where it's okay to be myself. I really feel like I'm in here and I like it when I can be fun. I like knowing that somewhere along the way I get to be happy again. I don't know who, what, when or where but why I do know! I know why because I am a nice person with love to still give. I know I have to settle for turtle speed for the rest of the answers to this screenplay of my life. Apparently I have the makings of my own Hallmark movie. Can someone supply the happy ending? I'm too tired tonight to think someone really would decide that I'm worth the effort. Yup I'm a mess but sleep may help - I hope!
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