Sight of a Future

I'm not a very patient person sometimes. When I want something I want it to be done and moving forward. Hannah tells me it drives her nuts. My psychologist just tells me I make decisions, stick to them and that's not a bad thing. I do change my mind but sometimes it is as if I have a little insight that I can't explain. It was a beautiful day today. My body cooperated with the snow and cold weather. Darn MS it is rarely predictable and temperature extremes just make my arms and legs do their own thing. Today was good. I hate mornings but I was up and dressed and going very early. I was a smart cookie and waited for the roads and sun to be a bit better before driving to work.

I love the peace of the quiet after a snow before everyone is up and around. I just don't like to be wet and cold! I can only say I felt arms again. It isn't always and sometimes just out of the blue. But those arms will always be welcome. I can only say that the powers of beyond are comforting. The comfort of the love we share keeps helping me live forward. I was treating a patient this morning. He was very focused on his life and marriages. He kept asking me about mine. I told him of my loss but he kept saying it is okay to find happiness again, your life isn't over. I don't know what that will mean but when he said it with his wise twinkle in his eyes I knew he was correct.

I made it home with the great need of a nap. In my dreams was a visit. He seems to be there when I need him but I don't spend my day obsessing. In one of my many readings I found a passage that spoke of learning to live your life with the presence of your lost loved one. It is a new form of the relationship but I don't feel as if it effects my earthly interactions. Everything each of us has ever gone through shapes our lives. From death to muddled relationships each of us have our own stories to share and forgivenesses to make. We each must journey to live forward. Today, Scott held my hand and showed me a place that my journey holds. I must be patient. It will take time but yes I will live forward to continued happiness. I know I'm alive and he is gone. I'm not in forever morning. I am patiently making it out of this. I like smiling. I like laughing. I like knowing I am alive and have much to find in my journey. It isn't over.