Dearest Heart

Here I am with a beautiful glass of wine, Pretty Little Liars and my computer. Oh what a beautiful date. On the way home Scott took control of my iPod, it was funny because I kept trying to change it and he'd change it back. Yes go ahead think I'm crazy but until you've experienced it your allowed. Needless to say I had a nice drive home and took the long way again with the sunroof. It is better company then me, myself and I.

Hannah is out to her second night of Corrigan activities with Grayson and the gang. She is a truly amazingly beautiful, smart, funny young lady. I proud to call her mine. I just wish I could have spared her from all of the suffering. I realized today when I got home that I didn't get her a Valentine. I never forget and I was so lost in my own anger and angst today that I just blew it all off. I'm so sorry sweet baby.

I tried to think of it as just another day of work but that didn't work. All of the flowers, balloons, candy and stuffed animals just made it a mean spirited day for me. I finally found humor to move toward the other direction. I tried to OD on peanut butter cups but that just made me full. Then for dinner I made my own romantic meal of mac and cheese paired with a nice Riesling. I needed some mellowing out for today. I did go look at my picture of my roses and tulips from last year. Memories are wonderful! My favorite memory from last year was taking the girls to Austin for bowling and dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Scott and I had a fight over cheesecake flavors. If you know me, you know don't mess with my food. I would give it all to have those moments again. I would love to fight over cheesecake again.

So now I work on the song that was stuck in my head today, "If you can't have the one you love, love the one your with." I love you Hannah, Simba and Jazzy. You are my Valentine's. You have my heart forever. I found a place to be comfortable in my own skin today. I will find my wings. I have my smile it will make it further each day. I can live forward. I will live forward. Someday a Valentine will arrive just for me again and I won't have to envy all the rest of the world for their days. I know I will have Scott's love to infinity and beyond. He shows me that in so many ways and keeps pushing me to live my life not hide from it. I will make it because it is what he expects from me.