Random Waving! Shh I'm watching iCarly. I know I promised but actually it was just on when I finished the show I DVR'd. Scott and Hannah used to go all kinds of places and do random waving versus random dancing. My face would turn all shades of pink. I am so easily blushable. I miss the family time. All we ever wanted was our family. I have Hannah and the rest of my amazing family so I will hang on but really who else will ever get a kick out of surprising me or making me blush ten shades of red?
I got a great cheering up today at my favorite burger place. Nothing solves the doldrums like food and friendship. I got my usual hug and a complement about the hair. It is fun to find my smile and I have little baby steps to the future. I am living forward and I will find my own wings. I don't like hearing I am strong but I am good with hearing I have courage.
After lunch today Mike called to tell me church Wednesday stuff was cancelled for Hannah tonight. Something was said about voices in the head. My immediate answer was, "No I'm the one with Scott's voice in my head all the time." He just laughed. Nope things happen and people end up in your life for reason we don't get. It is okay to just smile and go with it. So I keep trying to live forward. My other choice is apparently not an option and crying really does ruin the makeup job and makes me all bulgy eyed. I can laugh at myself so hey that is progress. I am living forward. I found answers to several of my questions today but there are more. I just have to believe in being the turtle. "It's okay. I love you!" will always float into my head at all the right moments. He stands beside me guiding me with light and love. I found my smile today. I will understand why someday but today I'm okay with just accepting the smile.
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