A Curve in the Road

Today I was crying one moment and angry the next. I had no control over my emotions even with medicines. I did the best I could do and stayed out of other people's way. I hid in my office with poor Rhonda. I'm so thankful she is with me all day. She does more for me then I deserve most days.  I didn't have the best day but you know what I got through it. I have done really well this week but well today just not so great. I finally left a bit early.

I have been dealing with a tire that goes slowly flat so I finally went to the Honda dealer and got it fixed. I had a small nail and they fixed it for me for free. It was a good part of my day. It is horribly sad that I need a pick me up from the service department. I'm really thinking a bottle of wine at 10 am would have been a good thing. Too bad it's not really my thing. Too bad over medicating myself isn't my thing either. I thinkj I could have used a day of covering my emotions up.

I left the dealership and I drove. I drove hard and fast. I drove with the music blaring. I drove to a place I haven't been in a year. I drove to the curve in the dirt road and walked and cried and screamed and sobbed. I was standing in the road staring at marks that you can still see in the side of the hill. I finally looked, took a real long look at where he was. I don't remember that day. I don't remember anything about standing out there. I only remember the truck. The white truck, seeing the white truck. That is my only memory. I don't remember anything else.

I stood there looking at trees, an electric pole, a fence line and a little rise at the top of the hill. I couldn't even see the pond. I stood there crying, kicking rocks and dealing with my own emotions. You see I took another leap. I stepped outside of my box once again to deal with myself. I faced that $#@%$!# curve in the road. As I stood there crying when two beautiful butterflies that are out of season floated by on the breeze. The tears just kept coming. I stood there and a woman came walking up with a horse. She asked me if I was okay and if I needed anything. I needed to face that spot but Scott didn't want me out there alone. I was there for about an hour. I still don't understand how or why but I faced the curve in the road.

I left the spot. I drove home and my email dings. I stop and answer. It is a good thing. It grounded me again in my now life. I made it home put on my pj's and had a few moments on the phone with a friend who doesn't even know how much an innocent phone conversation cheered me up. To talk about our teens and laugh, flirt and smile. I made it today to the curve in the road on my own. I made it around the curve in the road and handled myself with friends and a stranger's hug! Life is one very powerful situation and I am able to conquer because I have so many wonderful things to keep going for. I really have changed. I really am a different person.