My Life

"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change." ~Barbara de Angelis


I didn't blog last night. I slept instead. I must have been in great need because I fell asleep at 7:30pm and awoke at 4:30am! I checked my email, played a game and then laid in bed thinking until it was time for H to get on the bus. My mind is more at peace.  I know I am a very different person after this past weekend.
 
I can't explain all of the details in one quick blog but I know I am in charge of my own happiness. I have always know that but it has been something that I have struggled with for a very long time. I am at a place in my life that isn't where I wanted to be a year ago but I have come to an understanding within myself.  I am actually proud of myself for the first time EVER! I can do and be whatever I want to be. Right now that is first and foremost a fantastic Mom or as H says when she is mad at me "MOTHER!"
 
I now know how to follow the path I have been given. Today has been one year since I sat on the ground on a dirt road pulling wild onions, praying for a different outcome. I watched as they slowly pulled his truck out of the pond and I knew instantly that he was there. I knew I had done what I had prayed for all those many hours. I prayed to find him. Now I know he is with me always that we had what some only dream - love. I am okay with where I am in my life. I am confident in the path I am on today at this moment in time.
 
I really am different! I am in control of my life and the how I conquer the obstacles I have been given. I know the grief will always be there but it is and always will be up to me to stand up and fight for me. I have never needed somebody else but it sure was nice to have a partner by my side. I am good with who I am at this moment in time. I know I have all the possibilities and my heart is open. I was hurt in the most horrible way possible but it doesn't mean I have to never feel again. I will do what is right on my continued journey living forward. I have love left to give to all my family and friends. I wouldn't have been able to make it this far without you and I will continue to need you in my life!
 
Today Rhonda and I toasted a very special man, the best Father, Friend and Love a person can know with a burger from Dubl-R! Scott is proud of who I was and who I have become. I will always love him and the life we shared. He never doubted but always encouraged me. I know have to keep those feeling open for myself. I am happy with the life I have been given. I can step outside of this box and continue to learn, love and grow! So here's "To Life!" My Life!