A Year Passes

Today it has been one year since I laid my head on Scott's coffin wishing I could change it all. I kissed him goodbye for the last time and I have learned to live forward. I'm not always very good at it but for better or worse here I am. I don't regret my life or the choices I have made. I do, however, miss my love. I know he is here with me in my heart, my memories and the life I continue to live forward.

It seems fitting to pay the last payment on our Alaskan cruise today of all days. It will be a part of my bucket list for our life that didn't get to be long together. We were meant to love. It is with that love I have been able to live forward. I have a strength and courage to keep taking the steps each day. My journey living forward will continue past this first year into the rest of my life. It has formed the me that has become different then I was last year on this day. I think I would have climbed in next to him and asked to be lowered into the ground with him but I knew that wasn't an option.

Scott's headstone was placed a week ago. It isn't just his headstone but it  is also mine. I know many think I am too young to make that decision. I am tired of hearing that I will find someone to share my life. I may or may not make that next step but it will mean my heart is ready to find that next step. Scott is a part of who I am forever. Our love has given me the strength to grow and change in this year. I will continue to ask to be surrounded by light and love, to guide me, protect me and show me the way.

Today I was surrounded by friends being the person Scott knows I can be. I will keep walking forward into my new life and my new self. I have a life that is worth living not just for Hannah but for myself. There seem to be other things I have to do in my life. I have more steps to make and places to be. I can make it there. I will make it there! I am ready to spread my wings and keep trying new things. So I guess my next adventure will be a journey of a lifetime. One of many I know I will take! My bucket list has many adventures planned and who knows where I will be as this next year passes!