Family Love

"The love inherent in the human family is available to me." - Martha Hickman Wicks

I don't know how to blog today. All of my emotions are all in turmoil. Scott's sister, Amy (my sis-in-law) called and let me know their Dad had passed away. They took him off the life support. He suffered a massive stroke on Wed and today he joined Scott. I know in my heart Scott was there to greet him. I still don't understand why Scott had to leave a year ago but today I know he and Charles made peace in Heaven.

Amy and Carolyn I will do anything for you because I love Scott. We didn't get forever yet. I got left behind but I'm here living forward. I don't know what my life holds. I walked around the house looking at all the pictures of Scott. It was funny to see him with all that hair. I've seen them before but today I was in a place that I was able to see and live.  I hugged Carolyn and tried to be there because I understand what it means to lose the person you love. It puts you in a fog and you don't want to know what is happening around you. I made sure she had her favorite drink because Scott told me to make sure.

Tonight Amy and I went to the cemetery. I needed to see our headstone. The headstone I chose because of our love for each other. There is an entire story behind the headstone. It will be there for me when it is my time or it just be where the date is engraved. I don't know what the future holds. I really don't know what happened a year ago. I just know that our love is different and here I am.

I do know as we stood out there at twilight we could both feel the peace and love surrounding us. The peace was with us. The birds were singing, the train off in the distance. I stood holding Amy as we both cried and told her to listen to the quiet and feel the answers from God. It has been the only way I have made it this far in the year. I didn't take a step backwards today. I held my ground. I listened to God. I felt the arms surrounding me and Scott's love filling my heart.

There are people in our lives for reasons we don't understand. There are people who are supporting me as I support Scott's family. I have the power to keep going even when I don't understand how. I have the power to face grief anew. I was thinking on the drive home tonight that if we were in Victorian times we would have just finished the year of morning for Scott and dressing as such but yet here we are again - morning. Scott and Charles please surround Amy and Carolyn. Help them walk the path of living forward. I will ask to continue to be surrounded by light and love, guide me, protect me and show me the way.

There are purposes for each of us. Our souls are connected. Each of you is in my heart for a reason. I have love to give and tonight I will keep surrounding Scott's Mom and Sister with my love because it is the place I am supposed to be for Scott because I love Scott. I am making it forward even when you think the world just needs to swallow up all the grief and sadness. I will keep giving them my love and you know I may be giving it to you someday too!