Activities

It's Friday night and what do I do? My personal choice is to plant it on the couch and play mindless games and watch mindless television. Nope not tonight. I joined my parents at their Friday night Bingo. We had been there with them a few times. Scott talked a lot. I was always shushing him. So I played tonight but I wasn't really there. My mind wandered and I didn't win. I wander why (sarcasm)! I have pictures in my facebook photos of the last time we played. I hadn't looked at that picture but I did tonight. The funny thing is it is one of him needing to shave.

I was always giving him a hard time about his rough face. He'd hate shaving but he'd do it for me. He had shaved for me Easter weekend. He went to God clean shaven but I made sure he went with his ball cap. It does bring a smile thinking of him in his shorts and tshirts all the time or his collared shirts. I was always buying him new shirts. I think there might even be one or two new ones he never wore. I will get to a point I can separate and share his things with all the ones he loved but just not yet. It is too painful just now. I'm not trying to keep it all for me it just hurts to much to look at let alone sort it out.

I don't know what activities I can handle or even try. I take them one by one. It is still fresh and painful. The time moves forward. For some reason the Earth doesn't slow down for a break. I just keeps happening. Now I have to replace the roof on the house because of the hail storm last night. Scott would help me through those decisions. I'm not saying he would know what to do but he'd be there as a partner. Fixing things - not his strong point - but he tried! When we were replacing the fence I was better at keeping things level and screwing in the screws but he gave it his all! I didn't argue or correct him on that project. We worked together! Now building the shed - different story. His Dad and my parents helped us start it out but he and I argued about directions the entire time. I was the one reading the directions and he would say it can't say that. I'm laughing just thinking about that crazy shed.

I will find my way to do activities again. Not just fun stuff but household chores. Just not yet. I need to be comfortable in my own skin again. If you've offered to do things or get me out of the house keep offering. I will get there. I will get to where I don't cry at the drop of a hat. I have to! It's what he wants me to do - LIVE.