Prayers and Friendship

I am an avid reader and I'm trying to find things to read that give me comfort. Lately that means lots of spiritual readings for guidance and support. Yesterday I read where a person was dealing with grief and found herself praying a lot to her loved one. Her comment was that praying and speaking to her loved one seemed easier somehow because God has so many responsiblities and places to be but her loved one was closer and could just pass the message along. It made me think that tuly if the ones we love have gone to be with God and we consider them Angels this makes perfect sense to me.

I find myself talking to Scott all the time. Whether it be something sad, funny, loving or even in anger I can still tell him anything. I think what I feel from that is that he is now my Guardian Angel. But I'm not being selfish with him. He has the power to be in more places then just one at a time. Heaven's residents don't have the limitations of time and space. They are on a plane that we can't explain. All of those he loved in life get his guidance and love. I believe that for all us. He knows our love, sadness, happiness and yes even our anger. He will protect us all because he is with God now.

Now with those heavy thoughts I move on to my "laundry man" duties. I'm doing his neverending chore of laundry but why does there not seem to ever be enough hangers. As I'm thinking that I hear him tell me "because you need to clean out the clothes from your closet you never wear!" My thought was immediately but why can't I just buy more hangers? Which I don't know why I thought that. He was always buying more hangers but I blame him for my closet right now. In March we'd been shopping and he picked out all these clothes for me for our honeymoon. I must say he had good taste! I hate to shop but he was always making sure I had new things to wear. So yes I blame him for my closet fullness. His closet remains untouched just as he left it! I'm think just buying hangers is a good choice!

Today I took myself to my MD. She is amazing and I'm so thankful to count her as one of my friends. I will continue with the Ambien to help the sleep patterns and then anti-anxiety meds are there if I need them. She agreed that I was doing all the right things and keep reaching out to all my friends and family for support. I think whatever continues to happen I keep finding away to make sure when I need people to reach out. Thank you to everyone who keeps calling, texting and reading. If you find others in this situation it means the most to continue asking that person if they need anything or just saying "thinking of you!" I've found in our society we just don't know how to keep grief from being such a lonely path. I don't feel it's on purpose but as if we don't want to make that person's pain seem unbearable.

I was thinking today about all the great support for all of us during the intial weeks of shock. I can't even find the words to express my thankfulness for everything from everyone! Now I find myself in the land of what I've laughingly called "Beyond the Fried Chicken!" We had tons of it that first night. I couldn't even eat. Oh wait I still struggle to eat but I'm trying. So today my advice to everyone is reach out for help and if you are on the other side reach out and continue offering support. Even if that person say's "I'm good" the thought that you checked makes grief a lot less lonely.