Today was not a day to get out of bed much. I haven't done this except one day during the last eight weeks when my body went into overload. This is the first time in my life I've slept consistently each night. Today even after a night's sleep with the help of the "go to sleep" medicine I spent most of the day in bed. Hannah gave me permission and that was all I needed to hear. I dozed off and on. Had some wonderful dreams. I got a big hug from Scott in a beautiful dream today. Dreams have amazing abilities!
I read some off and on. It always made my eyes heavy and I'd fall back to sleep. Yes I did shower today. I even brushed my teeth - eventually. Hannah was making a desert jello cheesecake thing and she needed milk so SHOCK - I showered a second time and actually got dressed at 7pm tonight. She made a list for other things we needed. The list finally got long enough I told her that maybe I needed to figure out how to get to the grocery store.
Hannah was with me. We got in the car and drove to the grocery store! As we pulled into the parking lot the radio did it's thing again. Alabama's "Forever Is As Far As I'll Go" started playing. I hear Hannah make a little noise and the tears start rolling for me. Once again I will say there are things that happen that we can't explain! I was crying and Hannah reached to turn off the radio but I wouldn't let her. We talked about how much he loves us and that love is a very powerful emotion that can't be explained. You can and will take it with you - LOVE that is. He continues to reach for us and be there when I need him.
It was going to be OK. I was going to do this major task and he was going to get me in the doors of the grocery store. I got in the store and they had done rearranging. It was different. It was the same building but like all grocery stores the stuff was all in different places just like my life. I'm learning, not easily but I'm learning. There is no timeline for grief. It goes forward and backward but I don't know any answers to being in my new life.
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