Random Events

Today the words I didn't want to see arrived in the mail from Scott's parents. His death certificate is here. I have a few things I feel like I need to take care, actually more like he would want me to take care of for him. We were together we had a life together! We had a family with our girls. That physical life is gone but our love is still here. I'm hanging on to our love. I know he is helping me heal. It really does suck I can't lie but I'm walking straight through it.

Then as I'm dealing with this new piece of paper with the words in black and white I get into the car and a song comes on "I DO"! He is sharing, he is loving, he is our Guardian Angel. I push on. I deal with the next crisis. Hannah's phone has stopped receiving text messages. So that required a trip to the AT&T store. I've been putting it off. His voicemail box is full, his phone drowned with him. Our phones were together in the same account. He loved his number. If you are a personal friend his phone number is as unique as him! The very nice man helping us in the store has helped us before. He knew who I was. The man who merged our accounts into one was in there and he saw the news on the TV and they told me how much they liked Scott! Who else has that capability? That was my life with Scott. People knew him everywhere we went! I can't cancel the number. I will never listen to the full voicemail box but I can't cancel the number - not yet.

I was in the bookstore last week and was walking to the checkout counter when I glanced at these new bookmark cards they have on display. The first one says

Soulmates
From that first moment, we made a connection, and I knew that our relationship was meant to be. Thank you for all that you are, and for reminding me each day of why I love you. The bond we have found is as everlasting as the spirit.

I pulled it out and smiled. The one behind it wasn't the same! It reads:

I Love You More Everyday
As time passes I realize just how blessed I am to have you. The journey of life has made me appreciate the treasure in our love. The passing of time has given us a book of memories to hold dear. Thank you for bringing love into my life. I love you!

Just as I'm thinking how cool, I look and the next one is different still!

I'll Always Love You
Your love is the most important thing in my life. When I am with you, the past and future lose all meaning, as the "present" with you is truly a gift. Thank you for all you are... my love, my companion, my friend. I'll always love you.

Okay wow someone was rearranging but the final one says:

Be Strong, and Don't Give Up
Remember, there is a deeper strength and an amazing abundance of peace available to you. Draw from this well; call on your faith to uphold you. You Will make it through this time and find joy in life again. Be strong, and don't give up. I know your going to make it, and my love and prayers are with you. - Pamela Owens Renfro

So I feel like this isn't so random anymore! I bought the cards. They help me. When I'm alone they give me strength. There will be a point where I move forward and find joy but for now I walk through the fire with the strength of God, Scott and my family and friends. I'm taking nothing for granted but I sure do miss the person who knew all about me and always forgave me for yelling and screaming. He knew I didn't ever stop loving him and he was there waiting always with a hug, kiss, smile but most often laughter.