Two Hours

Today we drove home from our night in Dallas. The drive was certainly quicker then on the way up last night in a storm. It was a big milestone for me to attend something that we had planned. Being home was harder still. I found my way to a place to sit and be. Not necessarily in peace but a place to sit. I keep thinking I'm going to flood the house with tears. Hannah and I watched a movie a really great movie - The Young Victoria.

I took Hannah to a party for a friend. She is the reason I can get up and do things. We had to pick up a gift at Wal-mart and managed to pick up some items for Hannah to eat. I will try to eat too! I try but food shouldn't taste like cardboard. I dropped her off and came home. I have several other movies rented so I settled in on the couch with my old Myrna Loy and William Powell movie. It was almost time for me to pick Hannah up and the doorbell rings. It's Mike! He was supposed to come by tomorrow to help us clean the pool filter out because I can't get the lid off myself.

Earlier Hannah had called him and told him he had to come today! She and I had been outside when I cleaned out the skimmers and did some basic pool maintenance. When we were doing that I found the tools Scott had been using "that" Saturday. He had started to clean out the pool filter but I said it was getting late and we could do it the next day. Except it rained most of the day so we couldn't do clean out the filters. Another chore on the list.

Mike and I were talking about some of this stuff. He commented about the things I've said about my last day with Scott. He said "he seemed restless." Maybe he was but he was like that most of the time. He never really sat still when he felt good. He was always busy. I know he was restless the last hour but hindsight is 20/20. How do you fight "It's OK! I love you"?

Mike ran to get Hannah while I sprayed the filters with the hose. Yuck what a dirty job. He returned and we worked into the dark. Actually I sprayed and they watched and talked to me. I had two hours of normal peace. I'm so thankful Mike and I can still have a great friendship. I'm so thankful Hannah knows how to get me help so I wasn't alone because she knew I wasn't doing well! I'm thankful Scott understood how important it was for Hannah to have ALL of us as a family. Mike can still be here for me too. People don't always understand how this works but it is possible and Hannah has us all to love her with only a fight here and there!

I want the times of peace to grow but for now I am so happy I had two hours tonight without the intense pain. My heart hurt but the pain was masked by love for our daughter!