Full Moon

Today was wild. I'm struggling to get through each day and some people are so random with their needs. I love my patients. They are what get me through the day. Helping them helps me. Today was a pushing my buttons. I was on overload. I wanted to come unglued but I couldn't. I cry. I try to cry quietly but I do just want to shake some people sometimes. It's funny though because I look at our family picture and see Scott smiling at me and I try to go to a quiet place.

It is so amazing to have a relationship like ours. We shared so much in life and so many things that mean nothing to anyone else but it is MAGIC for us. Little things to share. Remembering those little things that even explaining to anyone else seems like they wouldn't understand. He was so romantic, so sweet, so kind but even the moments when we drove each other nuts are special. I can remember a huge argument we had that resulted in something needing to be fixed. I'm smiling through the tears. He had a temper. He was working on it for us but it wasn't very often we had moments like that.

I'm still struggling with normal. Finding a new normal when the love comes from a different place. Not a physical touch but I know God is in all of us and is love. No matter what your choice of organized religion the end result is all about God. How you worship, where you worship and the feelings you receive are all a very personal choice. I have to believe in the power of faith, love and the spirit that rests in all of us. My purpose in life isn't finished but I have to choice of free will. I make the choice to find my way through the middle of the grief even if I have moments of crazy people in my life. How I CHOOSE to react is what gives my life meaning and purpose.

So if the craziness is because of a full moon or just people who don't think before they act or speak, I don't know but I reach into my heart and try to live with love. I try to hold my temper and learn new life lessons to make it forward one step. Someday maybe there will be a place I can be confident in my spirit again.