The world keeps spinning

That would be my emotions. I'm told this is normal but darn it's not my normal! I have to find myself again someday. I know my life is forever changed. Scott and I had all these plans leading up to our ceremony in June. Today I erased the wedding off my work calendar. I'm not erasing him from my life he is everywhere I turn. I'm not sure what others believe but I believe in the soul and a Higher Power. I feel him and his love along with the power of God. There are things that happen in this world that can't be explained. I know he wouldn't leave me or our daughters, his calling was to be in another place. That is hard for me as a mear mortal being to comprehend but we shared so much as a couple.

So I erased the wedding and our honeymoon trip to Fiji for August from the calendar but I do have fantastic friends and family to fill the void. I'm headed to Minnesota for that weekend in June. One of the things Scott and I had done was make a list of all the places we'd like to visit in each State. He was the last one to update our list. It is saved on my phone and still one of my connections to him. We'd already done so much in the three years we were officially together. How do I ever explain how powerful love is?

As I ramble my way through this I was originally going to start with all the wonderful friends and family support I have received. It is like I'm on a schedule for being followed up. That is not a bad thing. I don't even know what I need these days but someone just saying to me "I'm here for you" makes the world a little less painful. There will never be enough words to thank everyone for the gift of love. I can cry my way through a box of tissue giving thanks.

Tonight I'm worn down and the evening is dragging. I went to my counseling session this afternoon. I've got the TV on and Hannah mowed the yard. I thank God for her and her amazing strength. I know she is doing her own grief cycle and I praise her. I sit with Facebook games as my friend and watch Dancing with the Stars. The evening is slowly going by tonight then I can head to our (Scott and myself) quiet place and read. It seems silly but he would read in the tub or I would sit in the tub and we would visit that way most evenings.

I miss him and but I feel his love around me a lot of the time. So I don't know how I do it but I keep going. Right now I don't want to know how I do it.

Tomorrow is a new day and even though my brain is working slower I try to get things done at work. So to all my fantastic friends and family (new and old) thank you for the support. I couldn't put make it to the next day without each of you.