Stress and Health

This morning I woke up with tremors, aches and pains. I gave myself permisssion to stay home and sleep. I've been doing well keeping going but today just was enough. It has been five weeks and it still feels like yesterday that Ryan, Matt, Amy and I stood with the sheriff's deputy exactly in the spot where he went off the road and it still took another 16 hours to find him. I know I need to do things for my health to keep going. So today my body got to do the talking.

I feel his love around me. If you don't believe in the afterlife or have doubts about what happens to our souls when our physical form is done on this earth then you may choose to not read this part. Scott and I both believed in the afterlife and the ability to communicate with our loved ones left behind. God is loving and he wants to continue that love from heaven. Throughout my life I've had experiences that just required faith to believe. When I was young I lost my Grandmother (Dad's Mom). Before my Dad called to tell us three hours away that she passed away, she came to me in my sleep and told me she loved me and goodbye. I woke up before the phone rang. When it did about 10 minutes later it was my Dad telling my Mom she was gone. I now share this with the world for support that things happen that we can't explain. She has been with me my entire life.

Now I feel Scott's presence. He's not always here but there are enough signs to feel his love. I'm open to him being here for us. I have to say I also talk to him just as I do God. His spirit and soul are now part of God's love. I open to signs and dreams from him. For me it's not like the shows on TV where they see the dead and have tasks to do. He is just around and sends his love my way. The other day his sister locked her keys in her car. She'd been complaining about not having him around to pick on her or argue with. My first thought was he was laughing. I had to share with her that was something he regularly was doing. Enough so that not but about two weeks before he died I had to leave work and go up to Wal-mart to let him into his truck.

One of his friend's wife sent me a text not to long ago that this friend had come downstairs wearing a shirt he'd bought when he was with Scott. He was wearing it then because it reminded him of Scott and he was closer to God now maybe he could help that basketball team win! If it were the Cowboys - I'd say absolutely but I didn't have the heart to tell her Scott was a fan of the Spurs not the Mavs. It seems fitting that he passed on during his quiet sports time of the year but on the day before the final four! His life didn't revolve around holidays and family events so much as football and the final four.

His spirit and soul are here for love and support of all of us. I just happen to be the one who shared all the little details in his life. I would often just ask for 20 minutes of quiet to breathe but he had so much to share and give to our relationship. It was as if he was trying to squeeze a lifetime into the time we had together. I know he is here with me recalling all the things we loved and even fought about. I know he forgives my doubts that weren't about our love for each other but outside influences. He will be here to help me move forward because I will forever feel his love and understanding.