Red Hot Celebration

Today was one of those days of celebrating life with Scott. I have been moving forward without thinking of these days. I have lots of those days coming up. Years of them but these are the first of them without him. We always celebrated the first week we met because that week also turned into the first week of our future more then once. This is the last day of that week. Hard to explain the details but each year this week was something big. I woke up this morning and got out of bed. Wasn't easy but I did it. Life's celebrations from family birthdays to personal events are not going to stop happening. I was feeling the pain. I've been hanging on by my fingernails.

I was managing to get through the day. I didn't want to just like the rest of the week. It just means that there are more celebrations to come along. Two years ago I got a dozen purple roses with a card that said "To the beginning of our life." He loved sending flowers to me. I got them for all kinds of occasions. I have all the cards and most of the flowers. I saved some from each bouquet. He loved to celebrate. Not just us but big and small events. This week was more then just our own private celebrations but has many family meanings for Scott. I can't forget those things because he always made sure he remembered the woman who is most important for all of his life. He and I shared a part of it and crammed a lifetime into a few years but I'm not the only person he loves.

The answer was given to me. My friend that teaches kindergarten called me and asked me to go with her to get a mani/pedi. I rarely do that for myself. I gladly accepted. I had work to do tonight but I have discovered there are no coincidences. I enjoyed the time and realized that I was celebrating. He gave me a celebration tonight. When I was asked what color for my toes, I could immediately say red. Lisa laughed. I had to explain when I got my toes done he had a specific preference. I laughed. I enjoyed the laugh. Scott and I could carry on an entire conversation in code. He understands the meaning of my toes. He gave me a place to smile in a memory that was a silly one for us. It is okay for me to laugh and cry at the same time. This year of firsts will continue. There are more to come in the next few weeks. Very big ones. Now how to celebrate and rejoice in his continued love as I live forward with my memories.