Vivid Dream

Dreams that are vivid can have good and bad to them. I dream sometimes now a bit more then I have over the last few months. I think I must be able to handle the despair parts of the dreams a bit better. In the wee hours of this morning I clearly saw Scott in one of his golf shirts in red and blue stripes, of course, that is hanging in his closet still. He was smiling at me. He had a little bit more hair in the front filing in his balding just the way he wanted. Still in the short clipped close style. He was clean shaven, just for me he said. He walked up and held me close looking into my eyes filled with love and that look of adoration that was always there before. We walked and talked and loved. I knew in my heart it wasn't forever, that he was just here for a visit. To remind me that he's not very far and that's he's not going anywhere.

Yes there are good and bad to these dreams. He is here for me. I have no doubts of that but I think you know that. The bad parts of the dream comes now. We were interrupted by someone saying it was time for him to go for now. I was then suddenly left searching for him and signs that he had indeed been there. Someone was there to comfort me. I'm not sure what her name is just yet but she was there to walk me to a large ottoman of brown leather. It was like a waiting room. I could feel others around me but didn't really focus upon them. She handed me his wallet. She told me he said to find comfort there. It is amazing but I do have his wallet and the things that are in it speak of his love for me. The lists for the wedding he was taking care of. All the little notes of things he needed to follow up on and the pictures of our girls.

To wake up crying isn't easy but to feel his love and see him looking so well. He is healed. He has no more seizures. He is still with us. The other day he was in a hurry when I felt him around. He didn't stay long. Later I was able to figure out he went to Laynie. She needed him with her. He isn't always around but I can feel him when he is. He protects us and guides us. He will be here until it is our time to join him. So until then I make it with the good and the bad of the dreams, the sudden words that pop into my head telling me not always what I want to hear. Our love is to infinity and beyond. More powerful then words can describe. I choose to accept that which cannot always be explained. I am at peace for today even with the tears. The good does outweigh the bad. The loss of his physical being in our world was bad for us but he is healed and doing the work of God for which he was called to do. In that love and kindness I will live forward into the work I am to complete before I can be in the arms of God and my love, Scott.