Television Day

It's a Saturday and SURPRISE I'm at home. Hannah wanted to have a friend over and had a birthday party for another friend last night so we stayed home this weekend. I spent most of the morning in bed. It was an adjustment day for my medicine and it really made me drowsy. I laid in bed reading for some of the morning and enjoyed the comfort of my haven. I did get out of bed and I did shower. The owner of the roofing company stopped by to tell me they will get the new roof on Monday. Hannah asked me if he is cute and single. Um I don't know. I think my daughter has decided I need someone that me being alone isn't good. Maybe someday but I don't know the answer to that question right now.

We actually cooked dinner at the house tonight. We made our famous pizza and also our guacamole. Strange combo but hey it works for Hannah and I :D It's not like I'm cooking much. Wait I haven't really cooked in three months. I'm not sure how I can cook right now. It's not fun when I have no interest in anything. I wish I could find the spirit and joy inside of myself to enjoy an activity. I'm slowly doing things but I don't like life alone. It just seems so empty but I can smile and I can laugh around others. That hasn't ever hurt. I know Scott loved my smile and laugh. It just hurts to be missing my best friend and the crazy things we shared.

When I'm at my Mom's she makes me do things. When I'm home I don't really have to do anything and I know it's not good for me. I'm so not the best but I try to make myself do things. I enjoyed some movies today that Scott wanted to watch. The TV was always on when he was home and I liked to do things without it on but now I need the background noise. I don't watch it always or I glance at it while I'm playing games on Facebook. I look at it as progress though because I'm not just sitting and crying. I actually ate dinner, not much but I do eat. This continues to take time. I know Scott is around. Today as I was reading this was said, you are part of my Heaven." I know that I'm am part of Scott's Heaven. Our life together was exactly where he wanted to be. He told me that before he left the house the last time. He believed in our love and the life we shared together. He will protect me and love me to infinity and beyond.