Pound Away

I had to get up really early to move my car out of the drive into the street this morning because they were finally starting the roof replacement. They weren't here when I left and apparently came later in the day. I got a text from Hannah telling me it was loud and the youngest kitty was going nuts. Well yeah she is always nuts anyway. I got home and they were working. They didn't finish but they made progress. No I just have to say in this process I have a strange assortment of neighbors. You know some of those "we go to Church every Sunday" but don't act like it all the rest of the week. So he calls to tell me that they need to move the trucks in the cul-de-sac because they blocked the mail boxes and oh some of the trash blew over the fence into my back yard.

I just shook my head. Okay well I didn't tell them where to park because I wasn't here. I'm just laughing. I called Mike he understood. Scott understood. He always killed 'em with kindness. So I passed along the message to the roofers. Yeah this same guy told me they sold shingles to put on the roof of the shed when we were building it. Really it is 100+ outside. We finally got the roof on it and now it gets replaced. There is something sad in that to me. Now this same neighbor can't even bother to offer to mow at anytime but can put a stake in the property line to tell Hannah she is mowing too far over. Tonight I was reading on a widows board where one woman went and bought lots of plates at Goodwill to break when she was angry at someone's stupidity! Hmmm I think I need a big box of plates.

Now in this day I made a decision to stay where I am at work and try to make it through. The person who stepped on me still doesn't get it all the way but she does realize she is up a creek without me. I left the option open for the other place but there were other signs. As I was sitting there trying to decide a man walked in to put in his application for a job and he was from the place I was going. He talked about what a mess it is there and all they are struggling with. I decided at least where I am I know what I have to fight.

When I got home I had a package from my fantastic circle of friends. Yes the circle of friends are a group of women from all over the country. We did a circle of scrapbooks over a year. It was an amazing process and some very wonderful friendships were built that continue to sustain me throughout this process. Also in the box was my warm hug in the form of a beautiful afghan. I've been cold since Easter Sunday. I wrapped into my blanket and Hannah wrapped her arms around me. I love her. She is my world now. Tons of pressure so I try to have other things in my life. I'm getting there. I'm not sure how but I am.

I had contacted a gentleman who writes a grief newsletter a few weeks ago. He is not from this area but lives here now and has contacts. He was amazingly helpful and found Fr. Brad at one of the Episcopal churches here for me. They are working on starting a grief support group and are trying to coordinate times. Fr. Brad and I talked for a bit of time and I set up an appointment for a visit with him. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be but I am taking all the guidance I am handed. I know this is a place that our society doesn't have a grasp or understanding and that is a sad state of affairs. We need to be here. I have a job that I help others. I know about helping others but I need help and I try to accept it.

I make it each day. I have other worries in my life but I just work on each day. I got out of bed but when I got home I collapsed on the couch. I have stuff I need to do for work but I just can't get motivated. I want to feel again something besides pain. I don't cry every hour on the hour these days though so I know I have progress!