Quiet night -

Busy Day. Lots to do. I took care of a bunch of things at work then got Hannah to the orthodontist 5 minutes late. They are always late but the one day I'm late I get a phone call two minutes after the time Hannah was to check in. Ugg. Go Figure. We made it through the appointment and then back to work for a while. Then off to counseling. She will be gone next week and I don't have the stress I had last time about going a week without seeing her. I love my medicine but I wish it would help me sleep.

We went by our fantastic wonderful insurance agent's office to pay our bill and start the process for finalizing the truck insurance stuff. It has been a hands off thing but now we can move forward. I am in a better place for the settling of all the financial stuff. I don't want too but it's what Scott wants. He knows I would always be there for him in life. "It will be ok, I love you." He will get me through anything in the afterlife. I release all my problems each day and pray for guidance and assistance to the next step. I have learned something new about myself. I like things organized and in place but I refuse to have others try to control me when I can't deal with stuff as well as I should. I have a responsibility to face my grief and pain head on. I refuse to reduce the physical life of the most amazing man to something that can only be computed by others in money. I would trade all of it in for Scott to hold me in his arms.

I have so much in my life that has changed me over the last few years but this is certainly the kicker. I will survive this for the moment but I have to continue the grief process and face my pain and sadness head on. I recognize the need for tears and time to just sit and stare off into space. It helps me get to a place that I can function. I will get there. I don't have a choice because apparently my expiration date isn't here yet. Now where's my massage gift certificate from my birthday. I think I need more TLC.