Rainbows

I haven't written for a few days. I've been in my own little world. Friday morning my blood pressure was really low when I was in the doctor's office. She changed my meds and I have to do some more tests because apparently telling her that I've had dizzy spells for years is not a good thing! Hmm. Okay we know I'm strange medically. We laughed and I told her we all have an expiration date stamped on us and we can't read it. Yes she told me I avoided mine two years ago. Yes I know I almost died and by everything she told me "I'm amazing!" So here I go around the medical tree again.

On Friday evening we drove to my parent's house again for the weekend. I picked up one of Hannah's friends who joined us and we made it just fine. It was nice to drive down with them. Before we left I had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up my new drug supply. I had a little trouble with them. There is this one chick in the pharmacy who is the worst in customer service. She always looks mad and the line always grows to beyond out into the other aisles. Hannah called my Mom on the way to tell her we were running a bit late but headed there. She started to say we stopped and were fighting with the pharmacy but it came out we were "farting" with the pharmacy! That was a good chuckle.

On Saturday I took my time getting out of bed. Then we went out on the boat. It was a fear I'd been combating. I don't like large bodies of water that you can't see down into but I did it. Last summer was so much fun with Scott and the girls on the boat. Holly and Hannah road the tube with my parent Shitzu lucky. It was so funny. When he was ready to get off he waved at me. When he got on the boat he does the whole titanic thing. It was okay. I was okay. We pulled into a cove close to the house. At first I didn't even want to get into the water but I finally did. I was struggling with that and flooded with images of my love. I hate the way he died. I hate that he died. I hate that I have to live forward but I have amazing support. There are so many people who are here to support Hannah and I in this painful journey.

They all went out on the boat again this morning but I stayed behind. I didn't want to be an early riser today either. Holly and I drove home into a funny rain. It was pouring on our side of the street and not on the other. We drove out of it and we could see more storms building. As I was driving I saw a rainbow form and grow. Then suddenly there was a second one. I stopped the car and took pictures. I felt his love with me. Then when I looked at the picture it was amazingly beautiful. I'm making it one step at the time.

I don't know how to breathe all the time. I don't know how to live all the time but I am conquering life one step at a time. I miss him with all my heart but he is always close by. There are so many things that happen in each day that reinforce to me how much we are connected and always will be connected. So I keep up with the good moments and the bad moments are dealt with. I will make it to a place that every moment isn't thinking about him. But geez the Scott toilet paper commercial makes me laugh and cry. Go figure.