Moments that push me

I've decided there are things and people that say things that just don't get it. No this isn't the first time nor will it be the last. It's just that sometimes you just have to say well ok, shake your head and laugh. This morning I checked my email when I got out of the shower and I had an email for a comment on this blog to moderate. I don't get many but this one was a just don't get it. Let me be very frank when I say yes grief is something that we all universally have to deal with but I am coping with all my powers that I possess. I've had MORE then my fair share of grief since the age of 9 then most people survive in their entire lives.

Sadly, I do understand grief but this grief is different and more overwhelming then anything I could ever imagine. I don't need a written lecture on dealing with grief. My blog is just one of the ways I try to get up and cope each day. I truly am finding my way through this. I have support from my beautiful daughter, my amazingly crazy family, and my wacky wonderful friends.

So there is my soapbox. Needless to say I didn't let that post through. Tonight I ran to the car dealer to get my brake pads changed and my inspection done. As I sat in the waiting room the TV was on and I glanced up just as CSI: Miami was starting. The opening of the show was that of one of the agents running of the dirt road at a high rate of speed and landing in a pond. The truck was underwater instantly. I tried to move but I was frozen in place. It took me 20 seconds to listen to the background noise, focus on my phone and the kids whose mother wasn't watching them to ignore the rest of the program for the next 45 minutes. I did it but I was so overwhelmed with the new onslaught of trauma. So in my continued search for the positive things in life, I DIDN'T cry in the dealership. Progress I made progress.

I will continue to do things for myself and conquer events in my life that will always remind me of the good things and even the sucky things that defined our love and his last moments. If I can sit on my back patio or my spot on the couch the last places I saw him alive then I can continue living forward. More baby steps and my expectations for my life are to get out of bed and learn who I am all over again. Thank you to each of you that let me share my DGI moment and the hit of trauma again.