Worries

"I accept my mood swings as part of the process of healing." Daily Meditation on Grief

I have lots of these mood swings. Today was not any different. I don't like the change in medicines. I am back to being a yo yo. I miss the stable side of the med I was on. It was working. Now I'm not so sure that this is okay with me. It will get straightened out but not today. How do I keep getting through each day?

There are so many things that have happened over the last few months. I'm home alone this week again with the kitties. I don't know how to be any better tonight. I took a nap when I got home. I just wanted to sleep for the night but that didn't happen. I tried to eat but that didn't happen either. I think I'm really backsliding today. I sat and sobbed opening the mail. I just don't know how to feel. I think I was making progress but it really is true that it will rear it's ugly head when I least expect it.

I need a bunch of TLC but there isn't any here right now. I'm watching Big Bang theory right now and Leonard built a hugging machine. I need one of those. Loneliness is a bunch of crap. I think it will be a night of early to bed. Now let's see if sleep works for me and I wake up in a better place. The times of each of the steps of learning to live forward. I'm not even sure how to explain all of this. These emotions go back and forth. I'm living but I'm not sure sometimes what that means. I'm still in a place when I'm left alone for long periods of time I get crazy. I try to keep myself busy and do things but tonight is just sad place for me.

I don't want to bring others down but sometimes I just need to be entertained. I used to be so very good at that but for now I'm learning all over again. There is a place in life that I'm in but I still don't always understand this life I'm in. It is my life but I'm not so happy with it right now.