Beauty Pageant of Life

"Don't Stop Believing" was playing in my head when I woke up this morning. I must have had a visit last night to keep believing in the my life. Today Hannah had some volunteer hours to achieve for her confirmation next fall so I found her volunteer time at the Ms Senior Waco pageant. I helped out too because the ladies coordinating the program are friends of mine and former coworkers. It was great fun afternoon to see these beautiful "young" ladies competing. One of the ladies in the contest spoke of losing her husband of 63 years last year and then shortly there after her son. She did what her husband and God would expect from her. She heard the words in her head, not in her own voice, "Be Happy and keep going!"

I had tears in my eyes looking at these fantastic women who have strength and power to survive life. I want to be happy. I looked across the room and could see happiness. I can't stop believing that I get to find my way to more love. That I will have more in my life then business and work after Hannah leaves the house. One of my friends today lost her husband 8 months ago. I was in the hospital room with her when he passed away. I felt him leave his body. Today she has found happiness and love. She has remarried a wonderful man who supports her but also understands her loss. I could feel the love surrounding them.

To look across a room of people and see a smile just for you, to receive a hug in a smile that is magic. That is what makes this world go around. Those women today proved to me what I already knew. Love is the secret to a long healthy life. I may not get to be married for 63 years but any possibility that there is someone out there to share my heart with is worth believing in. I don't care about money or things. They make life a little easier but they don't give me happiness.

Hannah and I went to dinner this afternoon in our routines. I love my little girl so very much. We came home napped on the patio. I was looking at the palms that have yet to come back when I finally stood on the ladder to see if they have died too. They are gone. Seems like God is sending me another message. I hated those palms for being part of my loss of Scott and now they have died too! He loved those DARN palm tress must have been enough to need to take the reminders out. The symbolism isn't lost on me! Those trees are coming out and I have to plant something new. Life continues and changes happen. I am living forward. To me it isn't moving on because my memories have shaped me. When I was finally able to be outside and accept the trees they are gone.

I will keep believing that I will get the Magic of across the room. I deserve to "Be Happy!" and "Don't Stop Believing" in myself and my own ability to make Magic in the lives of others! I will keep living forward and have the patience to know that I am happy in my life and when I least expect it my fairytale may get to continue. I love my life most of the time and some of the time it is okay if I have moments of my life is crap. I keep living forward and finding my smile to share with others.