To a Quiet Mind

Today was a three Pepsi day - which I never do! If I drink one it is usually where I cut myself off. I must have needed it because I certainly got tons of work done. At one point though I was literaly buried in paperwork. I was answering an email trying to find my keyboard underneath it all. It is a good thing I type by touch!  It's not enough though. I don't want to be defined by who my job is although I love helping my patients. Who knows maybe I need a night out with drinks - which I really NEVER do!

"Go in all simplicity; do not be anxious to win a quiet mind, and it will be all the quieter. Do not examine so closely into the progress of your soul. Do not crave so much to be perfect, but let your spiritual life be formed by your duties, and by the actions which are called forth by circumstances. Do not take overmuch thought for tomorrow, God who has led you safely on so far, will lead you on to the end." -Francis De Sales

I have struggled with this since before the loss of Scott. As you can tell from my day that I strive so hard to do all the right things. I make mistakes all the time but I never stop trying. I, however, have learned to admit when I need to stop and slow down. I can't say yes to it all and I can't be something for everyone. When I get into that "Three Pepsi" kind of day I have learned how to stop and focus on what I need to do for me so that I can get back into being there for others! Most importantly Hannah.

When I was Hannah's age I embroidered a sampler for my Grandmother. It says "As You Go Through Life Take Time to Smell the Flowers!" It was hung in my craft room years ago when my Grams gave it back to me for after her passing. When Hannah and I changed rooms she requested that it remain in her room for her connection to memories and Grams. I think about how many hours I spent in patient work to complete that work of art. I need to pull from my ability to spend hours in needlework to have the patience in my own life. To turn a pile of mess into something beautiful and amazing. I am that person still but when I go into overload taking the time to step back and find my self again takes work.

I came home to the simplicity of my garden and quiet reflection. Tonight I found the peace of my heart to return to my life and keep going. This morning I didn't think that was possible because I felt like Eeyore, "nobody loves me!" I know that isn't true. The problem comes from me not loving myself. I will make it, I do have it in my heart to stop find the simplicity to keep living forward. My heart is here, I have open arms for today. I know I will do with what I can tomorrow but today is all that matters!