A Party Day

A day of more emotions. I keep them so well intact most of the time but today we celebrated Laynie's 7th birthday and I could feel Scott with us. When I was trying to decide what we should give her for a gift I came across a Longhorns purse in the shape of cheer megaphone that says "Hook 'em Horns!" I got all teary eyed and I struggled to keep it all together. I miss them both so very much. I miss my life still. I don't think I will ever stop missing them but I do know how to live forward in each day. I can't change the past but I can embrace the future.

When I bought that purse I found myself be told to buy it. I can hear him at times telling me certain things to do and that was one of them. Today I know he was there because of Laynie. He will always be there for her. I still know in the deepest part of my being that he would never leave me but he most certainly would never leave her. Today was a mixture of the people who love a very special little girl and I know how very proud she is to call Hannah her sister. That will never change and as she grows up to be a beautiful smart little girl she will have us here waiting to share her Daddy with her.

I added to her scrapbook today. I struggle doing that task but I know in my heart it helps both her and I live forward with the memories of Scott in our hearts.  I still have yet to find a day without tears but I do know how to laugh and smile too. I know I have more to learn and love to give. I have jokes to share, smiles to give and who needs a big hug? I found a way today to comfort a friend who's life has been turned upside down in a tornado with the words that normal is gone but keep living forward and the new normal appears. I am a daily reminder to myself of those sage words even when I wish I could just hide under the covers.