Nose Bopping

"and the walls start coming down, your heart starts to open up, and you find happiness once again" -a FB friend's status shuffle

I'm still very protective of my heart but I do find lots of moments of happiness. Then there the moments I want to Bop someone in the nose. I guess that means this is my life for now. I'm trying but I guess my happiness includes a bit of a hollow spot. I have the moments where I just feel life around me. It was a night/day like that for me. I love my daughter and I'm trying to throw myself out there but I feel like I'm floating above the crowd watching life happen around me.

I guess I'm worn out and tired. That is when that feeling overwhelms me. I had a wonderful conversation with my boss today. It really helped to feel like the skills I have in my job matter. My team works so hard and they make me want to come to work. My patients make me want to come to work. I just wish I could hit the lottery, become a best selling author, have some long lost relative leave me money, anything that I could become a hermit or do only the things I have the energy to do. I know, sounds nuts but you can ask my dearest friend from college! She'll tell you I've talked about being a hermit for at least 20 years.

I think for me that means I am happiest in my home with the people I love the most. I have not a clue what that means anymore but I'm trying to let those big heavy bricks of the wall around my life loosen and let others into my world. Oh maybe a bit at a time. Tonight I'm just done for the day. I'm done with stress and craziness. I think a nice padded cell today would have been perfect today. The funny thing is I still feel calm cool and collected. The other day at my doctor's appt my blood pressure after having been yelled at work was 98/72. Peace I feel complete peace even in all this stress. I feel like my prayers for light and love are being answered.

I feel at peace when I stand in a room full of people floating above looking around. I feel the spiritual awareness to where I am closer to where I will be. It is funny today someone mentioned the end of the world might be this weekend. We don't really know but I'm prepared because I know I live each day where I am supposed to be. I will keep making each step forward, each day to it's fullest because I'm in peace with who I am and where I am. I may be alone in the crowd, no dance partner to share life with but I'm at peace with me. Now who will bail me out of jail when I finally lose my temper and bop someone on the nose?