Movie Timelines

"For much that is given much can be lost" - Immortals (new movie coming out)

I have been struggling the portion of "can be lost" these days. I'm feeling the loss as I know so many people are these days. My problem is the feeling that I wish I understood why it feels like the only thing that is happening is loss. I keep thinking "am I missing a purpose of where I am supposed to be or who I am supposed to be helping. What do I need to change in my life?" I want to hide from the world one moment and the next hold hands and provide comfort.

Tonight I reached a point where I needed to focus on something other then loss and sadness. I picked up Hannah from school and we took a time out from reality. She is my lifeline and the true love of my life! We had a great dinner and our favorite Johnny Depp in Pirates. I realized tonight how I can tell what points in my life based on movies. My life in Joplin = Sixteen Candles! College = Pretty Woman, with Mike = lots of years that are covered there, and Scott = new Batman's, Bourne Movies, Pirates Three, now my life goes on into new movies. Yet I feel like Scott was with us. I don't think he will ever be very far away.

So tonight I left my reality and counted my blessings that I can. There are so many who continue tonight with the beginnings of shock and grief. I want to go home and help. I want to hold hands and walk with others as so many have done for me. Tonight I settle for my blog and know that so many people held my hand that I can only pray and hope my words give another comfort. Loss of a love is worse then possessions. I would gladly trade surviving a tornado with Scott by my side and losing all our possessions to have him back holding my hand. I don't get the choice. I can only offer my continued prayers to my friends and family. In my heart I am there.

I keep living forward and know that each day I will make the best out of what I have been given. Even if I ask it isn't my time to go. I have accepted that I have to live if only for my beautiful Hannah. I don't ever want her to feel the pain of losing a parent at a young age, or losing the love of fairytales. I want her to know that living forward is the only option even when it seems hopeless. I will continue to deal with all my emotions each day. Now who has a smile for tomorrow? I have one I can share.