Catepiller into a Butterfly

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~Alexander Graham Bell

This is certainly something someone who has lost anything in life hears all the time. You lose a job you hear it! You have someone you love deeply pass away you hear it! That is one of those phrases that just frankly you really get sick of hearing. But at some point something happens. You move a pill bottle on the counter, you put away a baseball cap, you take down a picture from the wall that formed your entire little family unit and change the way the arrangement is on the wall.

I keep telling you I'm different but I have not told you the entire story. I forgave myself. I am different because I found it in my heart to forgive myself for letting him leave the house, for being so upset with things that were out of our control. When I was able to forgive myself I took the largest step that I have to face. You see I have mentioned this very rarely. I love Scott always and my memories are who I am but I have finally made the choice to step outside of my comfort zone. That choice was to move my beautiful diamond rings from my left hand to my right hand. I haven't given them up they are part of who I am but I made the choice to live forward. Scott wants for me what is in my power to do and be.

Moving those rings means I am open to face the possibility of doors opening. I don't want to be stuck staring at my past when I have a future that I am supposed to live. I'm not jumping into the deep end but doing what I do best listening with my heart for the light and love. I will know what is right for me at the right time. There is a path of love that is leading me forward. I'm not alone because I have God, Scott, friends and family. I have found the peace to move forward.

Tonight I sat outside in my place of peace working on my embroidery, reflecting on my life. I choose to share how I have changed because the time is right. I will keep going in my journey to live forward. And here is the other one you hear often, God has a purpose for (insert loved one's name). Those statements don't hurt so very often. I have become this different person kicking and screaming. I know I have more work but I have to keep living. I don't have it in me to play the martyr and hide in my own panic and pain. Someday I may fly with the butterflies again but I am emerging from my cocoon.