Burgers and Fries

I wish for lots of things these days. I don't know how to keep from hoping that somehow one of them will come true. One of my residents tells me a lot lately that he is so happy to see me smiling again. I smile it is part of me just as the sadness beneath it is part of me now. I can never truly explain how the depth of all of these emotions. I am very much amazed and overwhelmed still by all of the things I'm struggling to make it through.

It's the crappy milestones that I have to get through. I don't care to much for any of them. But here we are it's time for Fantasy Football. I want to go and I don't want to go. I want to hide yet here I am. Tonight I took Hannah and Alexis to eat at Five Guys burgers. It was really funny because I had a few fries on a napkin that I was eating from and I looked up and Alexis was filling them up again as I ate. Yes the women in my life are amazing! Hannah let's me tag along with her friends and her friends take care of me too. The radio overhead did it's thing again while we sat there. I got tears in my eyes and Hannah was immediately all over it with "What's wrong? Are you ok? Mom?" I could only say it's the music. She didn't know the song but it was Eric Clapton.

I'm sitting here right now watching Letters to God. I don't know if I'll make it through the movie tonight. Tears and crying and all that. I'm trying to live forward. I will watch this movie because I need to have positive things to hear. Just now - "listen to your heart and hear what God wants you to do." I'm trying everyday I pray for the power of his light and his love to guide and protect me on this journey. To show me the way and to know I'm on the right path. I love and miss you, my love. Hold my hand and love me to infinity and beyond.