Hanging Out

"Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you." -Walt Whitman

Yes it is true. Scott's presence is very apparent for me at times. Today has been one of those days. I feel him protecting me today. I'm not sure why because it has been a nice day but then again maybe that has been why it has been a nice day. I talked to him when I felt him and the power of love soared. It is very overwhelming power of love that we shared all the time.

Mike brought Hannah over to mow the yard. It was funny because he ended up mowing the yard for me. I can't get on the mower yet. We would have battles over who mowed the yard better. Mike has talked about a dream he had last week with Scott in it. He said it was very unsettling. I feel like Scott is telling him to keep an eye on me and help me. I know this is a hard time for all of us. Mike and Scott spent lots of time together. Two very amazing men. It really is possible to be nice and wish each other happiness. I know Mike knows the depth of the love Scott and I share. He has never once voiced a grudge. He just talks about what great guy he was.

Today was less lonely. Like I said before he was here all day. The energy I feel is relaxed and settled. Like he's home and taking a break. I wonder what his responsibilities are like on the other side. We as humans are all about money and such but I can't imagine that is important anymore. We should be less focused on stuff as humans. I have stuff yes but it isn't what makes me happy. It makes me comfortable but happiness for me is from my interactions that are filled with love and kindness. I don't understand anger and hatred. I get snarky sometimes but then I feel guilty so I try to stop myself. All of our stuff is intermingled. We really had no defining of his and mine. After living in the same house for almost three years we just had our stuff.

Things we had bought together. We shared everything. It is hard to open a cabinet and use a cooking utensil that we had purchased. I can remember the exact moment the blue spatulas were bought and the laughter, teasing, hugging and kissing in the kitchen store. It didn't matter what we were doing we just loved being together. That is the feeling I have had today. That we hung out together. It felt less lonely today. I felt pushed to do the laundry. My laundry man still doesn't like me leaving piles of clothes sorted in the bathroom. It has been just an overwhelming sense of peace today. I continue to pray for love and peace.