Emptiness

I think I'm in a new phase of this process. I know it because I feel lost and lonely again. I struggle with what I have to do each day. More so then how I was feeling over the last bit. Just when I start to feel better and not feel so hopeless I have a new surge of everything again.

I can't seem to bury myself in anything right now. Sometimes I've been able to get involved in an activity and feel normal. But right now I just hanging on again. I'm doing it but if someone can define it that would be a big help!!! I hang out at home. I have my alone time but well I don't want so much alone time. I want a social life but I don't know what that means either. I am amazed at how important being a couple with Scott was to me. I know it was important to him. Not because he is gone it was that amazing to me when he was alive. Joined at the hip, yes. I love that feeling that never dulled. I miss those feelings. I don't like this emptiness.

So today I can be once again ok with a variety of emotions from the start of the day to the end of the day. I have more work to do because I didn't get it done but I'm done for the day physically and emotionally. I'm going to sit here and be until the clock tells me to go take my meds to go to sleep. Maybe I will feel different tomorrow. But I won't know that until I get to the day.