Out There

This has been a very long week. I'm so very tired of repeating myself here but it does help me get my feelings sorted out and keep living. Just as my reading, crazy television schedule of numbing programs and hanging out with my pillows when I go to bed at night keep me calm.

I'm learning to get to places that I don't think I would have been in before all this stuff happened. I would go and do things with Scott and we would socialize together but we were just that together. Tonight I took Hannah to her band picnic. It was fun to see the kids have so much fun. I talked and socialized without Scott. I'm not incapable of this skill I just am overcoming the hurdle of it being easier in a pair. They were having a discussion about college band departments and the differences between each program. Someone mentioned Grambling State and they wondered where the school was. I couldn't tell you but I kept thinking that I knew Scott would know without using Google.

I'm trying to get there. I liked seeing the kids have a crazy time with all the games and the food fight with Ramen noodles. It was fun seeing them have a blast. I know my life is possible because of Hannah. I did manage to have the radio do it's thing on my way home so I sobbed for a bit and then sat in the driveway having a one-sided conversation with Scott about how we should be loading all the last minute items into our luggage and trying to get our sleep schedules adjusted. Now I'm sitting on the couch watching an underwear commercial. I think I got the short end of the stick! I know he didn't leave me on purpose and I know he would rather be here headed to Fiji. Tonight in my dreams I hope we can find a way to see each other again. I like seeing him and hearing him say the things he only said to me.