Partying

Hey I'm a party animal. One of Hannah's friends since the fifth grade has a bunco party for back to school and I was invited to attend too. It was a blast to be there with the girls. The girls are all so great and we cheered and had fun. Hannah didn't mind me tagging along and we didn't even end up at the same table once. I had a really nice time with my daughter and her friends. Thank you so very much Tammie. I'm so glad our girls have given us the chance to become friends over the years.

I have to say in all of the past four months that women are truly caregivers. My friends, ALL of my friends and family have been here for me but the women deal so much better with the emotional side of all of this. I feel so protected and loved. I know I still feel lonely because of the constant companionship being gone but I am making an effort to be out of my little turtle shell. It is so funny because Scott got to deal with my emotions but he really hated when I cried. He just wanted me to be happy.

This morning when I got into the car the first song out of the radio was Diamond Rio singing "I wish for one more day with you but then I'd wish for more." So just so you know and I'm very clear on this, I WAS crying before I got to the end of the driveway. I got my morning hug. Yes I am emotional but it is very comforting feeling his energy around me so often. I know I am part of his heaven. I am where he wanted to be forever. He is helping me live and until we get to meet there he will help me.

For several days I've had this nagging feeling I needed to do something. I haven't been able to figure it out. The today I was explaining this to my counselor who really keeps me sane. It was finally loud and clear that I needed to do something with the bookshelf in our bedroom. I've looked at the books before. I've pulled them out and laughed at all the wrinkled pages. Tonight though I found a book my mother had given me that I'd forgotten about. It is the song that was played at the funeral in the wrong spot that I didn't select but it seems to be right. The book is a testament to "I Hope You Dance." It has the intro written by LeeAnn Womack and then it takes the song and breaks it into pieces with each section adding quotes and thoughts. It also comes with the single on the CD in the back.

He really does send me on missions. I can't explain the drive to do somethings sometimes and today I told him I wasn't getting what he wanted me to do. I needed him to be clearer. Well I found what he wanted me too. I think the book was an added "I Love You!" I can say that because the other day I made a comment about the fantasy football draft. I am responsible for keeping Scott's team going in his league. I know how to keep the league running and the guys are helping but honestly picking of the individual players is a bit of an overwhelming process for me. I used to listen to the football and I know the rules of the league and how to play but I would get lost in the stats. He would tell me stuff and I couldn't hold it in my brain. His brain thrived on numbers and stats of players. My comment was that I know Scott would be there helping me pick players for his team. Well on that bookshelf was the magazines he used last year to research.

So I was told what magazines I needed to buy! Tonight Hannah and I ran to the grocery store and I just happened by the magazines and saw exactly what I was supposed to buy. Now the overwhelming energy of get this done now is resting for a moment. I guess the next responsibility is to read them. I won't know what I'm reading but I will ask for answers. It is the only thing I know to do! I have to laugh because it is truly how he is.

"Give the Heavens above more than just a passing glance!" - I HOPE YOU DANCE