Something Found

Tonight I found something that I wasn't even looking for. I was trying to get the rules together for the Fantasy Football draft for Saturday. I pulled out Scott's computer which I haven't touched since the week he died. I had put it all away and haven't been able to touch it. I know I have the rules on my computer but I thought maybe they could have been on his because I don't remember updating them last year but I didn't find them there. Instead I found videos he made last summer for one of his OTR classes. I didn't see him but I can hear him. I can hear his snorting and his cute little Texas charmer voice. I was laughing and crying at the same time. He did a video on the steps for washing his hands.

I was sitting in the floor crying when Mike brought Hannah home from band. Hannah sat down next to me and we watched for a few minutes. Mike told me I need to make sure I get those onto DVD or saved somewhere else. I will do just that. My cute adorable Scott. It was another gift. It was another place he sent me to be. I asked to feel his presence today and there he was when I least expected it. Those moments are good for me. They give me hope that we will be together to infinity and beyond.

Hannah let me know she had a much better evening at band camp. Suddenly there are two more spots in the clarinet section and the "loser group" was getting extra practice tonight running them through the paces. Some of the kids, Mike said, were tired and sitting under a tree but Hannah was working hard. So my daughter was doing exactly what she does, works harder and gets what she wants. This may be a step in the right direction for both sides of the battle. I can't speak for the other kids but they were given a chance and what they do is their responsibility. If Hannah is working her hardest and not giving up then she is doing what she can do without just being handed a spot but on the flip side actually being taught and not just stood in the back.

I asked Scott for help and guidance on this problem. I don't think there will ever be a point in my life that I don't make a decision without asking for his input. Don't get me wrong he is not God but it is so much easier for me to ask him because he's so much closer and is part of God's love and a maybe has a bit shorter path to deliver a message. There wasn't anything we didn't share and if something was going on for either of us we knew how to help each other through the situation. That crazy other half twin telepathy. I know true love and that goes beyond any expectations of perfection. True love is perfect in both the good and bad times. I have no expectations to find someone to fill his shoes because honestly he was a one of a kind. Tonight I was happy and okay being in the house alone but yet I didn't feel alone as I have in the past. I felt like he was here hanging out. That isn't always the case but Thursday were always our night for each other. Even if all we did was go to the grocery store!!!

Keep praying for me. I'm not through this yet but I think I've become really flexible learning how to kick myself in the hiney! Hannah comes by being hard on herself naturally! She gets it from me but don't tell her I don't need any extra guilt right now :D