Christmas Eve Magic

It's Christmas Eve! Do you think Santa will bring me what I want? I don't think so. I think I hide my cynicism really well for the most part! I've learned to accept the disappointments and not let them show. My heart is forever broken. I think you all know that but what you don't know is that I have no expectations from anyone but myself. Scott and I love each other no matter what. That was always the way it was with us. We had lots of things that happened but it was always "I love you but this isn't working." Our love wasn't contingent on everything else working.

Tonight we traveled to Mom's. We all went to Mass in a church sitting High on the top of the Mountain overlooking the lake. The Church was built so you could see for miles to the west. I sat looking out the window at all the Christmas lights below. We are to the right of the alter on the side. In front of me is a Christmas tree and as I was thinking where are you please be here with me now about six or seven lights on my side of the tree blinked off. After a few minutes of prayer they blinked back on and never went off again. As we are going up the hill the street right before the Church was Scott drive and as we are leaving there was a statue and on the plaque it says "Fr. Bob Scott" I never doubt I just ask and receive. I mentioned the lights on the tree to Hannah and she said yes she saw that happen too!

So I guess in a way my Christmas wish did come true. He is here with me. He always knows when I need him the most. I didn't cry to very hard in mass but the homily was about traditions of Christmas and Fr talked about the carols and what they mean to him. Amazing because carols are my favorite and I have struggled with them this season. I cry the most at "I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams!" Tonight was better they only performed my favorite carol but not Scott's! The last time we went to Christmas Mass together they did his favorite and not mine! He is here with me. He will always be with me. Love is the answer to all that is wrong in the world. I know this to be the truth because all that is preached in church is about the Light and Love of God.

On this eve of Christmas reach out and love someone without conditions or expectations. Find the love in your heart that we all deserve to feel. I feel the love I just miss the touch. Merry Christmas.