Presents or Presence

"The present is bad enough when we are hit with fresh grief. But we compound our sorrow by spinning our minds out over all the years and occasions of the future when we will so sorely miss the presence of our loved one." - Martha Whitmore Hickman

I am getting through each day. I'm doing so with the help of so many loving arms. I'm blessed with so many people in my life who are giving to me with open arms. It's the holidays and I'm trying. Today I worked very hard at staying in the moment. I have been blessed with people trying to help me. We had our staff Christmas Party and I have to say how very much these people deserve an afternoon of fun. We did a Chinese Gift Exchange but since we only had 11 people we played all out. It was so much fun. They gave me the nicest gift basket with a few of my favorite things. It was so very yummy. I must say a Pepsi and Mint Oreo Cookies can keep me fed for a few days.

Then when I got home a box had arrived from a great fantabulous handmade paper cake. On the Cake was a Mickey wishing me a Merry Christmas. Then inside each individual cake was a Buzz or Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty for those non-Disney fans). I had a fresh wave of tears but I got through them. I miss all of the future memories we would have created. I treasure the past with all my heart and I'm trying to enjoy the moments of life in the here and now. Today I made new memories. They are part of my make up of my future.

Tonight I made new memories with my beautiful daughter. We finished the wrapping, ribbons and tagging. Straightened the house for her party tomorrow and added a few more decorations. I'm here in the moment. I feel Scott here with me in the moment. Today I will continue to ask God and Scott to surround me with their light and love, to guide me, protect me and show me the way. I am still living in each day. I am back to my only goal of getting out of bed. Sleep is not very restful and as the commercial says "Christmas is cancelled." I want to try but the world isn't cooperating so I will live in each moment and hope something sinks in.