Holiday Red

I'm really tired and worn out today. I was in productive meetings today and then headed home. I made a stop for as a friend's daughter says, "a delicates purchase." Now if you knew Scott we can safely say he enjoyed well endowed woman, namely me (big grin) but I also know I wasn't the first woman in his life. The last time I made the purchase Scott was with me. He waited "patiently" for me to finish. He was mad because they didn't let him go to the dressing room. He wanted to voice his opinion. So today I made the stop for my Oprah measuring at Nordstrom's. When you live in the sticks that once a year trip to the fancy store makes me feel like I'm from the Beverly Hillbillies.

As I waiting to be assisted I found, easily, my usual comfortable unmentionable. On the same rack was a new color - brilliant bright red. At that exact time the music overhead started playing "I'm still here holding on. I will never leave you!" Do you think it is possible to imagine this stuff. I don't see how. I'm living it. The kid in the candy store in the lingerie department at Nordstrom's was Scott. I'm sure there are other men that run from that I know Scott's choice was to dive right in making suggestions. This was another chore for me. I was long overdue for the purchases but we all know what happened in April that changed the way I live.

I can only tell you that I smiled with tears in my eyes feeling his love surrounding me. I could hear his whispers in my heart of the many private conversations we have had over these shopping adventures. I made it happen just like the rest of my life for now. I will make it one step at a time. I won't tell you if I ventured to a new color of holiday red but if Scott were alive I think that purchase would have been a private Christmas gift. But I won't ever have that joy again, the thoughts of what his smile would have been were priceless for me. I had the time with him that created my ability to know exactly what he would have said to me. I also know that song at that exact moment was not an accident. I do miss being part of the couple. We really were one love that shared two bodies. I will be on a new journey but I am who I am because of the love Scott and I share. Just because he has passed on doesn't end that love and if a red delicate makes me remember a loving moment then I did the right step today.