What is today? I have lost track. Work is super busy and I have to tell you I'm getting good jobs for me and my team left and right. This was a positive move for me and I think Scott knew that. He knew I should have a place that needed my knowledge. I'm glad I have this place to be something besides lonely. I'm glad I have a place to grow and feel needed.
Life is crazy nuts. The holiday is crazy for me. I don't like it but I have found focus spots that keep me from thinking about my own crap for most of the part. I have my moments but I do tuck my feelings inside to deal with in my own time. It is the only way I can live forward. I do the best I can right now. I just don't like it when I can't control what is going to trigger my brain and the pain in my heart.
I came home today and just collapsed. The fatigue is hitting me hard. My MS symptoms have been back because I bury the emotions but it lets me get through the day. I come home and find a way to keep the panic to a minimum. Thank goodness for meds. I don't know if there will ever be a day that I can live without meds. I don't know if there will ever be a day I can live a life that I like. I'm getting through each day focusing on our daughters. I have to find how to live whatever crap this is for them because I'm not allowed to give up even when I want that. I will get to someday but not today.
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