Well I actually did something tonight I've been not wanting to do. I shopped. A quick run into Best Buy and then a stop at Bed Bath and Beyond. A little birthday shopping for Scott's niece and Christmas shopping for Laynie and maybe just a bit for Hannah. So I did it and cried all the way home! Yuck, yuck and more yuck. We had so much fun shopping for everyone last year. I remember him standing in the aisle looking at pots and pans with me for his parents and talking about how much they needed them. Then the trip wandering around Sears for Mike's gift looking at the Christmas decorations with Mickey on them. Little did I know he would go back and buy them for me as a present.
I hated shopping tonight but I took care of some business. It feels just like that business. I miss the spirit, the joy and love it used to bring. Now it just feels like a chore. I don't like that it feels like a chore. It was always so special to celebrate the holidays. For the meaning of the season, the love and happiness. I did find a reason that will give two very beautiful young ladies a treat that will give them joy. I'm tired of hearing everything happens for a reason but this is just not so much of something I would offer to anyone. I'm trying to find reasons to have joy for this season.
We can buy anything out there! Why can't I buy what I really want. I would trade any money to have Scott back and have the joy of the season because the reason we celebrate just reminds me of his death. Maybe if he hadn't died on a religious holiday! But those maybes don't get any better answers then the what ifs do. So with that I return to my new Friday Night, a bottle of wine, and old movies. I sure miss following the football team and band around. Alas football season does end. Now can the Christmas season just be gone?
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