Dollhouse

Last night I was doing my favorite activity planted on the couch streaming netflix to the TV and playing Frontierville when I here a person on the tv show "Dollhouse" say "the true strength of a person is how they deal with pain." Hmm it must be true because I'm dealing with lots of pain and I keep moving. The TV program has meaning for Scott and I. We started watching this show quite by accident and because it was on Friday nights we always seemed to miss it for the most part. We caught up when Season 1 came out on DVD so we rented them all and laid cuddled in bed catching up.

It was a fun show and by the producer of Buffy and Angel, which we both liked. The best part for Scott was he thought the lead character played by Elisa Dishku was hot. We tried to catch Season 2 but it seemed like we always had wedding stuff to do at my parents house which required traveling on Friday evenings. We missed most of them so I put the show into the queue so we would be able to watch them all. Sadly the we found out the show was cancelled before Scott died but they hadn't finished airing all the episodes. We had never seen the one I was watching last night. He died before it aired. So I feel as if he was there with me again.

For the most part I just hang out in the evenings when I get home. The activities of the fall have ceased. My driving foot is not so worn out but I'm a bit bored. The people have stopped calling and getting me out of the house. I'm sure life is busy for them so I'm okay with entertaining myself. Not much different then before except I had company all the time. I have spiritual company but it's not the same as the someone tickling your toes to get your attention.

So does it really mean the strength of character is judged by how a person deals with pain? I don't know I can't answer that question but I can say that living forward is all I know how to do. As I wait on the eve of a day that was a magical time for us. I will explain all of that. I know how to protect others, to keep them from feeling sad. I can wait and deal with it in my alone space and feel the gentle reminders that Scott is with me loving me forever, to infinity and beyond.