Blessed Comfort

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:4

"I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever." - Isak Dinesen


I've been in a weird mood today. Just sad and I don't know really why. I can't find the words to explain. I've accomplished so much at work and really enjoyed our trip. Today, however, we walked into my favorite burger place and suddenly I was a mess. I've been there before but today was different. Ugg I hate it when I get these moments of panic and anxiety. I am understanding so much.

I have been making it forward. I don't avoid my grief and when moments like these happen I find a way to deal with it. I worked on a project today that needs to be done. I focus on our patients so I can make their lives better. I am a better person because I can help others. It's just sometimes I need a big hug. On the way home tonight I realized I have another darn step to take, another day to face. There will be no roses and tulips for me this year. I'm so glad I'm a photo nut and took pictures of all the beautiful flowers from Scott. I don't know how to deal with all of this sometimes but I just keep trying.

He is here always because he is in my memories and my heart. I am learning how to make it and make room for more of my life to happen. I know I just keep asking for light and love to surround me. I know in this process of mourning there will be comfort from the Higher Power. One of the passages in my reading today was about the ability to share grief because in the lessons I have learned there will be someone else who will follow who needs the guidance. This blog has given me a place to get my mind into an understanding and hopefully provide insight for someone else.

I just really need a big bear hug. I really miss that feeling. I know how odd that sounds but I love how much you can feel in a hug. I love how much Scott was able to give me with one big hug. Oh well I guess I will spend Valentine's Day with my stuffed Buzz this year and the great memories of all the love and maybe hope for a future beyond being the crazy cat woman.