Country Strong

Emotional mess is the best description of me after seeing Country Strong. I wasn't expecting the ending of the movie. I sobbed and sobbed. I haven't cried that hard for a bit. I think I was seeing the movie with the right person. Kris held my hand and I survived. She got it. I drove myself home and pulled into the drive just as Faith and Tim started singing "It's Your Love." I put the car in park and cried that animal cry that hasn't happened since the few weeks after he was gone. He was there talking to me and loving me.

It is okay that I am healing and that his space in my heart is there. He is my love. Always and forever my love. I need to live the life I am in but there are so many events that keep happening that are beyond this plane of what we know as life.

I know I will find my way to peace. I am so very different then I was a year ago or two years ago. Two years ago this weekend we were headed to Kohl's when we looked at each other and said "everyone keeps telling us we are already married and we should just do it formally." We then began the week long search for the perfect ring. Two years ago we decided to make it formal. He should be here but he's not. He should be here for longer then he was but he's not. I am forever changed. I know the meaning of love and that was the best gift he ever gave me. No diamonds, no trip, no electronic gadget will ever replace the love we shared.

So just as Kelly Canton says in the movie "Country Strong," - "Always chose love!" I will always chose love. I know Scott continues to love me and support me. He will continue to surround me, protect me and show me the way. He wants me to be happy and I'm learning how to find that road again. Scott knows the true meaning of Country Strong. He survived so many things in his life to find the happiness and love we share. I can only hope to be as strong as his soul will always be!