Lifeforce of God

"God is serious about knowing how it is with us." - Willie S. Teague

"Sometimes in my darkness I can believe I am held in a love which supports all creation. Not always, but sometimes." - Martha Whitmore Hickman

How very odd that this entry in my daily grief book has the name of the town Scott is buried and his parents live. I have found all my changes over the last ten months have given me a boost in my spiritual awareness. It is not possible to not feel the support across the planes of spirituality. Each of us has our own personal journey to take. We each will have moments in life where we feel the presence of God. I have been given this journey without understanding of where I'm supposed to be but I haven't avoided the journey.

Today I spent time outside looking at the palm trees around the pool. I am amazed at how much they have grown in the past year. It seems so odd that they have continued to grow. It is God's gift to nurture the nature around us. God nurtures us too. I worked in the flower bed for a bit. This is progress for me, to be able to sit on the patio, to see life around me. I feel his arms surrounding me, pushing me to live and find the peace in my soul. I have things I have to look forward too. I have a reason to smile tomorrow. I am finding joy in the small things that make each day possible. I won't be the crazy cat lady. God has a purpose for me and a place I am supposed to be. I continue to ask for guidance and protection as I make my way.

I am not alone, everything is in God's hands and I have the peace in my heart to live forward one step at a time. Sometimes though, I try to rush the steps and move forward too quickly but I know that there has to be something good out there for me again. Now if the darn Hallmark movie would stop with the tearful commercials. I really don't want to be reminded of Valentine's Day but I will survive. I am not so sad anymore and the memories of giant kisses and hugs make it possible to get through each day. It may be possible to be loved again but that is an answer I don't have just yet. Maybe someday not today but I keep living forward!