Surprises and Happiness

"I will keep my eyes open. Something surprising and good may happen tomorrow - or the day after." - Martha Whitmore Hickman

I like it when good things happen. I like it when someone brightens my day with a quick phone call. It is good to know I can make someones day too. It really is the little things in life that matter. A smile, a hug, a laugh, they all make my heart feel bigger. This morning was a jumbled madhouse for me. I had a desk full of papers, an out of balance itouch, four people starring at me all at once when my phone rings. I love it when a phone call with a side note tucked in makes all the craziness less chaotic.

I want to know that surprises and happiness really are out there to happen. I'm ready for good things in my life. I'm know that sadness happens but I have learned how to move out of that and feel myself being alive. I know that Scott died but I didn't. I know he wants me to be happy. I know he is in God's light and looking at me with love and pointing me to the happiness. I got off the phone with a dearest friend a bit ago. She laughs and jokes and tells me she knows how happiness is what Scott wants for me. It is okay that the pain in my heart is less. It is okay that I smile most of the day. It is good that I feel alive.

What is not good is that I'm figuring out that I'm tired of my own company. It's not that I don't have great friends around who have helped me through so much but I'm ready to hop a bit out of the nest. I don't know what that means though so I'll be content with a bit of happiness or surprise around the corner. I know that the point of really living my life again is arriving slowly but surely. I know that I love Scott forever. He is my love to infinity and beyond and he waits for me in the beyond but I still have live. I don't get to give up. It's not my time. I don't get to be the 40 something crazy cat lady. My friends won't let me do that! Happiness and surprises will be a nice thing. You know I love a little magic in my life. I must still be on the Disney Magic high, best drug in the world!