Grass under my feet

"'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all." -Alfred Tennyson

I love my daily book of grief. When I'm feeling the highs and lows I can open my Kindle to any day in the book and find something to give me answers. The author speaks of this line in the death of her daughter. She had a friend who had never had children send her a letter after the sudden death of their child which said, "Some people never have that much to lose." I can speak of that in all the honesty in my heart with an absolute YES!

I have had a rough week. I know it is going to be a rough month but I'm trying. Today was one of those days where absolutely everything that went wrong today was all the therapy department's fault. Lots of blaming from others who didn't want to take ownership of their mistakes. I'm guilty of that at times but really how is it the fault of one department. Where is the teamwork? So in the middle of all this my fantastic, supportive team whom I would do anything for witnessed my body fail me! They held me up and put me back together. I feel like Humpty Dumpty. I took today, the good bad and the ugly and made it my own.

I have the most amazing memories of a life with Scott that only fairytales are made! It is because of that love that I am able to keep living even in my darkest moments. I can only hope that my life can give a lesson to the someone else. I can only hope that I can show someone sitting out there hiding from love out of fear to give it a chance. Reach out and try something. Yes I know that the fear of pain or being hurt can keep you from trying but in the end I know that we gave that love a chance to fly! It gave me wings to soar through all the grief and pain. If I'm given a chance to do it all again I will in a heartbeat. If I'm not I know I have love in my heart to last a lifetime!

Yes I did lose my love but he always told me I am his heart. I know we will share that forever. It doesn't mean that kind, caring, loving, magical person he fell in love with is gone. I'm still here trying to live. If anything that person and those emotions are even stronger. I refuse to become bitter and sad. I will keep trying because I know that the love in my heart will have a place to go! Just kick me into action if I try to give up! Make me remember I still have grass under my feet today!