Funk or Funky

"To fashion an inner story of our pain carries us into the heart of it, which is where rebirth inevitably occurs." - Sue Monk Kidd

It is amazing how I have come to this point in my life. This blog lets me take everything in my brain and find a spot to dump it all to relieve me of the pain and focus upon my life. I am trying to be in the here and now. Sometimes I start the day in a funk. Oh geez, I think I just replanted "Play the funky music white boy" in my head. The funk that makes me want to cry all over the nearest shoulder. As the day progress I suddenly realize I may not be in such a funk as I started. I'm not so focused upon myself. I like that moment but it does take so much effort to get the day started sometimes.

I still can't do some things but I have loved the realization that I can make steps. I am further today then what I could have ever possibly dreamed. I'm not taking any days for granted because they may be fewer then any of us can ever imagine. My space right here gives me the chance to not dwell on what is in my head. I am trying to live and laugh. Scott still loves me and I love him. We didn't choose to be physically separated but he is here spiritually. The radio continues, the crazy gifts that don't make sense, the messages are here and the push to continue to find happiness and peace is in my heart. There is a plan for me and people in my life to keep the smiles coming. I'm finding myself in the pain. The place in my heart will always have him in it.

I'm making the journey. Oh no that means I'm now going to have Journey songs in my brain. I need the roads of Western Kansas, straight flat shot to drive all out singing at the top of my tone deaf lungs! I need to be goofy and silly. Maybe hanging out with Hannah and Holly this weekend I can laugh at their antics! I think I may feel the need to hold Hannah down again and tickle. I like the feeling of life and joy in laughter. I like knowing that there are a few people who get the full effect of my smile when it hits my eyes. I like the moments when I get out of the funk and have a real smile. One more day down in my own words. My fingers have spewed out some of what is in my brain. The funky music has moved into my head instead of the funky mood. Now that may be progress but I need a new song!